During my first two years of high school, I often debated the balance between school and playing volleyball. It was the most challenging time of my life. Not only was I struggling with school and athletics but I was slowly losing confidence in myself.
As a student at Daniel Pearl Magnet High School (DPMHS), I was able to try out for any sport at Birmingham Community Charter High School (BCCHS). This was a great opportunity to be involved in both academics and athletics. When I began my freshman year and tried out for the BCCHS volleyball team, I ended up making the frosh (freshman/sophomore) team, which was a new team lower than junior varsity (JV) and varsity (V). DPMHS and BCCHS had different bell schedules, so every day except Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I was late to practice, rushing to throw on my volleyball equipment and losing valuable time to strengthen myself as a player. This also made it hard to connect with my teammates, something I didn’t fully realize until later during my sophomore year.
At the start of my sophomore year, I thought I had figured out the true meaning of being a student-athlete: I was wrong. Initially, I made the varsity team. As the months progressed, I started to lose focus on what was important to me because I felt the weight of both worlds on my shoulders.
While on varsity, there was a keen amount of an adrenaline rush. It was exciting to be on the highest level of the volleyball team, it gave me courage in myself as a player. Although, being intimidated by the seniors was my downfall, they were all very friendly but wouldn’t hide their judgement. When we played together, it felt like we were competing for more than a win and for each other’s spots on the court. Eventually, I was moved down to junior varsity (JV), which was crushing. As a player, I felt like I wasn’t enough and I barely knew the girls on my new team.
I was one of two setters and my coach made it a point to say that there is always friendly competition. Having only two setters, we often ran a 5-1, which is a 6-player rotation where the setter plays all around. My opposing setter made it very obvious that she was upset I had taken her spot, even posting about it on social media and gossiping about me to other girls on the basketball team. Soon I found out that false rumors were being spread, and that others. I felt like I was trapped in my own little bubble constantly getting judged by surrounding players.
During this time, I was late to practice because of the bell schedule and my coach said I can’t expect to be a starting player and not be on time to practice. It felt like a wake-up call. After that, my schedule was changed due to a teacher’s displacement. I felt so blessed and I was finally early to every practice the rest of the season, which secured my spot as a setter. While it felt good to be recognized on the team, I was still disconnected from the other girls because I was one of two girls who went to DPMHS. I had never felt more alone in a sport I was supposed to love.
Although the student-athletes at DPMHS supported each other when we felt alone, while walking to practice, we discussed how our coaches and teammates treated us as individuals. This allowed us to connect, regardless of the sport, as we were all going through somewhat similar experiences.
Eventually, I gave up on things that were important to me. School, volleyball and friendships were the last things I cared about. I just wanted to stay home in my comfortable bed where I didn’t have to worry about anything. I was drained both physically and mentally.
Though my experience as a student-athlete was bad, I still got to experience great things at BCCHS and made a couple of close friends while playing the sport. I am very thankful that I was able to be on the volleyball team at BCCHS because I created meaningful memories that allowed me to grow as a player and student. Being on the team helped me understand my potential and put into perspective how much things can matter.
